i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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