i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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