I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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