1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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