It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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