she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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