I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
