I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
