The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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