so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
