i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
