dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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