Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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