And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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