hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the day after is always just damage control
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
