Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
