i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
