you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
