Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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