Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
