wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
