My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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