sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
