so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i need some magic done to my vagina
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize