just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
