Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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