well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
