I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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