They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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