I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
