Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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