Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
