You don't have asthma, your pregnant
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
