the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
