If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she smelled like a LAN party
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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