Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
