Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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