I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
