I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
