When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
