There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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