How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
