ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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