I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
