I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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