i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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