I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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