So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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