Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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