Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
