there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
