could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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