You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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