420 ftw
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
