I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
