You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
