I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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