I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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