I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
