Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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