We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
