She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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