Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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