hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize