there's paper in my vomit.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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