I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
