A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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