I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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