Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
