Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
