I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
