my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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