At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My liver just had a heart attack.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
