I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
