Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
