I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
