the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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