went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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