If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize