If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
