Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
