pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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