butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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