She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize