WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
