$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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