you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
