She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
