can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
now i know why i became what i already was.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
