my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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