im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
