I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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