Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
