Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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