I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Randomize
