i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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