In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
