I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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