everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
