Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize