The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
