Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
