I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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