Just cropdusted the office
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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