I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
